Talking to the moon

At night when the stars

light up my room

I sit by myself

Talking to the Moon

Try to get to You

My December

Absolutely love this one by Josh Groban

Fact #1: Did you know I wanted to be graffiti artist way back in high school?

Fact #2:  Did you know Kuluness came along because i needed something to practice my graffiti on?

Fact #3: That dream was short-lived for good reasons. I sucked.

I swear, it seemed like a good idea at that time.

LOLS (!)

Grenade

But you won't do the same

Noobcakes

I still can't draw with illustrator. noob cakes

So i feel completely doomed for my thesis.

Though I do admit, its kinda my fault for slacking away.

Naz told me to get my shiz together.

and the desktop background seems to be doing me some use

 

 and don't you just love my Jonas Brother's stand up cut-out and Jurassic Park bottle?

Its easier to lie

Most of the time,

its so much more easier to say that you're alive than saying you're not here anymore.

Because then, there's this awkward silence that follows,

when the other person scrambles in their mind trying to think of something to say next

while still in shock on what they've just heard.

and most of the time the first thing that comes into their minds

is an "oh."

its not the type of "oh" that you'd use for, for an oh really? moment

its the type that says "that's so sad"

but sometimes the lines are blurred with these two meanings

"I'm sorry to here that" follows.

and then another awkward silence.

In this moment I'd probably be holding myself back from tearing up

because having to utter those words in the first place was hard enough

and even though that silence could only be five seconds or ten

it would be just enough time for me to have a flashback.

A change of topic comes next to shake of the awkwardness

though some would continue on to know more 

So when someone asks what does your father do?

I'd just answer "Oh, he's in the bla bla bla"

because its just so much more easier than having to go through all that

Its easier when its with a semi-stranger of course.

Because honestly, I am an awful liar to begin with.

I see it,
I want it,
But I'll never have it.

A mother's love.
Its a shame.

Sometimes when im having flashback moments of when you were here,
i see how ungrateful and unappreciative i was of you.
I just want to smack myself in the head when i think how stupid and childish i was.

I think im in the process of moving on.
Because life around me is just going to keep going regardless.
The world isn't going to stop just for one person.
So i gotta move along with it, or at least i try to.

Sometimes you gotta take a few step back for that leap forward

I love looking up in the sky and see someone smiling back at you 

:)

Baby, you can drive my car.

Sometimes I wonder what else can the Jonas Brothers do to make me love them even more.

Then of course I stumbled upon this.

They covered the Beatles' Drive My Car.

And its a REALLY good cover considering Sir Paul McCartney himself asked them to cover it.

and they look great doing it.

/melt.

Villa!

So I couldn't decide if i wanted a contemporary house or a balinese inspired one for my future home.

Then, I stumbled upon villas.

Perfect combination between contemporary and balinese!

So here's a rough idea on how i'd love my home to look like.

The front of the house is still abit rough. 

But this villa designed by Peerutin Architects is something how I envision my house would be like.

spacious, private, pool and cosy.

Dream on la kan?

Boleh kot! :)

Noted.

Besi Mosque

Went for a nikah sesh at Putrajaya.

Simple and sweet at the Besi Mosque.

View was amazing and so was the mosque!

Infinity water feature was serene.

This is where it used to be

My dreams are getting more depressing more than ever these days.

Sometimes I wake up feeling so tired even after countless hours of sleep.

Its probably the lethargicness of it all.

But its starting to get a little bit annoying when u wake up feeling tired after a bad dream.

Its just not a way to start your day.

Last night I dreamt that we were all waiting around for my grandpa to fly off at the airport.

And by fly off i mean die.

The airport was just some metaphor that he's leaving.

The waiting around was hard, because you know he's going to leave you but there's nothing you can do to stop it.

When the plane finally took off, there was that sharp pain to your heart that hits you.

Because, it hurts.

And I realized the day before was his birthday.

So the dream was kinda like a friendly reminder.

There's this moment during one of his hospital stays, as I was leaving to go home after a visit

my grandpa shouts to me "I love you!"

I turned around and put a brave smile and shouted back "I love you too!"

and he turns around to the neighboring patient and said happily "That's my cucu!"

I tried hard to not cry because I didn't want him to see me cry.

That moment I was just praying he could just be better and come home.

He did.

It was just one of those unexpected moments that impacts you so much.
Thinking back all these memories we had, I miss my grandpa so much.

Sigh.

Villa

  

Now here's a place i'd love to get away

A villa in Mexico designed by Tatiana Bilbao

Just the view, the pool and the hammock

Be one with the naturee

Water

Music

When relatives come over to stay
the house feels kinda alive
and i feel very much taken care of

the subject of conversation does however repeats.
they've been trying to get me to move houses
to an apartment where it is manageable.

I want to be sensible, I really do
but it's not easy to move out of a house that i've stayed for 21 years of my life
the place i feel the most safe
and mainly because this is only place that will ever remind me of the parents

funny part is, they make it sound so easy to move out.
tell me, is it that easy, really.

Bandar bercahaya

Bright city lights always gets me.

I love how beautiful the city is at night.

If i had an apartment overlooking the city, i'd probably be up at the balcony every night

A visit to Singapore was an amazing gateway

though it didn't feel much of a foreign country

but it was worth it.

Rotating tower

A rotating skyscraper.

Isn't that pure genius?

Designed by David Fisher

so you won't get bored of the same view

They're building two, one in Dubai and the other in Moscow

"Dubai’s building will reach 80 floors: 

The top 10 floors will be used for luxury ‘Villa’ style apartments, 

below which a further 35 floors of accommodation, 

then the 15 floors below will comprise an extravagant hotel 

and the lowest 20 floors used as retail space." 

Can't wait to see it completed!

Pretty much sums it up

Biko toughen up

Ahhh, Father's Day

One of the many things we'd never be able to celebrate again

Birthdays, graduations and Hari Raya

Days like these are what we would look forward to celebrating

I'll always remember how you'd make a big breakfast for me on Valentines Day
because you'd say I was your Valentines.

I'll always remember how you'd get me the thing I want most each year for my birthday

I'll always remember how we'd look forward to the bazaars during Ramadhan
and we'll always end up buying more food then we could eat

I'll always remember how i'd make you a card every year when I was young for your bday
and i'd always end it with a "sorry! no present this year" because I was too young to go out by myself to buy you a present

I'll always remember when i was older, I bought you Missy Elliot's and Eminem's cd for your bday
and get a "YOUR DAD LISTENS TO EMINEM?" from my frens

(yeah my dad was cool that way)

I was really looking forward to you watching me graduate,
because everything I did to get to that point 

was for you

And it breaks my heart to know that we'll never get to celebrate any of these days anymore

we'll never have moments to share anymore

Foolishly I Fall

How much more perfect can he get?

SRSLY?

stayed up to watch his live webchat.

it was like we were webcamming with each other but not really.

but it was still cool nonetheless.

super cool.

he played some songs 

and this new one called London Foolishly

/MELTMACAMICE

sorry, takleh resist jugak.

who can resist Fabio Cannavaro anyways?

Captain of the Italy team! 

he's so hot its not even funny anymore T_T

sorry, takleh resist.

My aunt said maybe it was the money woes that kinda lead to my dad's passing.
If the cancer and heart disease genes don't kill me, we'll know what will.
Hidup memang best (y)

Stopped myself before i ruined it.

hmmmm.

I don't get it

Can someone enlighten me on why life is so hard complicated?

The only thing that's driving me to a pulling a white flag on life

is when everyone around me doesn't think i can do it

and it sometimes get a little overwhelming when some expects a little too much from me.

This morning my cousin called in the early hours of the morning

okay it was at 9 lah, still early.

and the last time she did that was when my uncle passed

I didn't bother picking up the call cuz i was just too sleepy

but it did run through my mind, hoping there was no other death

but 10 minutes later my brother came into the room and said our aunty passed.

If i had a penny for every time someone around me passes,

I would be blardy rich.

Back to my question, do let me know if you've got an answer for it

and no,

"because if life was easier people would take things for granted" 

is not an answer.

Its a light up fan! HOW COOL IS THAT?

Hey thanks Charissa for my new toy!

What do you want to do when you graduate?

That's the one question i dread in conversations

when really I myself dread when I ask myself the same question

Honest to god, I don't know. I really don't

The prospect of working for the rest of my life after graduating is one thing

thinking about what I wanna do is another.

I want to be able to enjoy my work, not dread it when i wake up every morning

but life isn't that simple. 

After paying the bills today (and mopped, vacuum the house, picked up dry cleaners & do the laundry, damn i feel like a housewife already. My husband is going to be lucky. cheyyy)

anyways after paying the bills i realize damn someone in this house needs to get a job.

seems that i can't really be choosy when it comes to getting a job

because the important thing right now is for me to survive and not really for a somesort of job satisfaction

thing is i need to work extra hard now to keep the house

repairs are one thing, keeping it clean is another

i need to prove to everyone else i'm capable of taking care of this house

cuz moving out for me is really not an option, not for now at least

back to figuring out what i wanna do,

i'd probably love if i could be some sort of a designer or some kind

probably design a magazine

because secretly i kinda enjoyed publication design =]

but the one thing i hate is all the pressure

i hate it when i've got to design something on the spot

im the type of person who sits back, listen to some music, go thru websites for some inspiration

and at the same time when i look at all the other talent out there, and then i look and the stuff i do

i think noob much?
and then i think maybe if i took a specialized course instead
i'd probably wouldn't have this problem

i can't be choosy at this point

but im still trying to find that thing

the thing that i wanna do for the rest of my life thing

its back to laying on the bed, rolling around and thinking

what do i want to do when i graduate?

Everyone I know goes away in the end

 I forgot how this song used to hit home.

Langkawi was a great getaway.

I was spoiled silly by my family

and I spoiled myself a little really.

I felt guilty, but then again I freakin deserve it

after what i've been through and what i will go through when i get back

and when i did come home, all that crappy feeling just came back

and there is so much crap i need to do which i was able to avoid when i've got classes

now that i don't. i gotta face it and do my time.

Sometimes I find myself thinking oh hey wonder where's dad?

then i'd realize it and then it just sucks.

Sitting at home doing nothing is really not the best way to go

When you've got nothing to do, you start thinking, feeling and then hurting.

Sometimes I feel my life is like a snow globe

Its happy and calm at one moment

and then the next its like a blizzard hits you

Sometimes I'd think if God ended my life right now, he would be doing me a favor.

Then I'd take a step back and ask myself, how can I think something like that?

And then oh yeah, cause I'm emo that way.

But I know its not a favor he would grant, because it'll just be too easy.

I need to fight through this.

Some help would be nice.

and some sort of pain-numbing too.

yeap, that's the best i could do with a tablet pc.

You Make Me Feel Like The One

Probably the best RM78 bucks I have ever spent.

Probably the cheapest concert I've spent on.

With an 8am final paper the next day, 

I couldn't have made a better decision.

Stereophonics were AWESOME.

Some of my fav shots of the nite.

Kelly Jones was amazing. 

The whole band was.

He is beautiful in real life /swoon

Though I wished there was abit more interaction with the crowd

But they deserved an award for going on song after song

They played probably more that 20 songs non stop

Their old songs are still the best: Mr Writer, Maybe Tomorrow, Dakota

Too bad they didn't play I Miss You Now

but heck it.
They are awesome live, sounded exactly in the cds.

They were amazing.

Walking On Sunshine

A rainbow cake triumphs every single other cake i'v gotten for the last 20 years of my life.

How can you ever hate a rainbow cake anyways? its too colorful.

So sayang to eat it. I wish i could just frame it up and look at it forever. Because once I finish it, there's no turning back.

Sometimes I also wonder, if each layer was a different flavor. How yummy would that be? OR if it was made of ice cream and then each layer was from Baskin. Oh lordd im torturing myself.

Rainbow cake, I Love You.