ah haaa cool kan?

I know, i like the color too.

 moving on.

Sometimes I wish I could just hit the forward button in life

so i can go straight to the good part of it

not to be dramatic, but i'm not sure if i can handle any more bad parts of it

because really, there's only so much I can take.

And then i'd think, if there was a stop button,

then it'll be so much more easier.

Harsh reality

Yesterday I was forcefully introduced to the harsh reality of the consequences of not having parents anymore
Before, I couldn't wait to be free and independent, to move out and live on my own.
Make my own rules and not be bounded to others.

Now, besides the part where i've moved out, i kinda got what i wanted.
Living on my own, no one to tell me what I can and cannot do.

But the worst part is, there's no longer anyone to catch you when you fall.

All decisions I make now, everything will fall back on me.
If i made a wrong decision in life, I would have to suffer the consequences
I will have to suffer all the regret on my own,

Im not saying everytime there's a problem you run back to your parents and let them deal with it.
But there is this sort of security that you feel, when you make a decision and you've got this support system behind you.
and you just know that you've got someone rooting behind you all the way.

Money, work, life... I've have to think about it seriously now
not that i've never taken it seriously before.
But now, i'm responsible for my own decisions and future.
I don't have that support system that I had previously before.
I can't say I want to do something just because I want too.
I need to really consider it all, weigh the pros and cons of every big decision i make.

Because now when I think about it, no one else will help me make a decision in my best interest.

Doesn't that make you feel so much more alone then ever now?

Kimi Raikkonen no longer in F1!

So, one of my worst nightmare came true.

Yes, Kimi Raikonnen is no longer racing in the F1

Its one of the greatest lost in the F1 racing world.

though he now races in the World Rally. Its still not the same.

:'(

Even though Ferarri now has 2 amazing drivers, Alonso & Massa

who BTW

won the 1st and 2nd place respectively for the first race of the year at Bahrain!!!

OH YEAHH WASSAP?

Massa , Alonso and whatshisface at the post press conference

I hope this winning thing continues.

knowing Ferrari, I think they will.

Chey

:)

SO back to my Kimmy,

we had some good times eh?

remember that time when u won the championship?

good times good times

i will miss watching you in your Ferrari suit and racing around

Haih.

I end my post with one more cute photo of you.

Just for you Kimi Raikonnen

heeeeee :D:D

And because im on a roll

No its okay, you don't have to thank me

its my duty to share these things anyways

How can you not fall in love with him even more?

Guess Who's Comin'?

 

 

On a much much happier note.

The Stereophonics are coming to Singapore

NICE ONE LAAAAAA

:D:D:D:D

Im letting it all out. well some of it, kinda-ish.

Dramatic emoness starts right here, so run while you still can

*****

Its been a month and a half since.

Where did time go?

It seems like it was just yesterday.

I still can't accept what happened because really,

How can it happen?

I remember that one time when i came back from visiting atuk's and mum's graves,

and i told a friend,

I can't lose anyone else. I've lost too many people already.

and then it happened.

I'd think hey, is god punishing me?

am I really that bad of a person?

cause seriously if i am, do tell me

before someone else gets taken away from me.

Sometimes I feel maybe i do deserve all this pain

because I wasn't a good enough daughter for not taking your sickness seriously.

I was so mad when you were sick

even though I knew its not your fault, you couldn't help it

Should you have gone for the surgery i keep thinking

cause maybe that could have avoided it

But truth be told, the only reason I was mad because

I didn't want to lose you like how I lost mum.

I think now if i could just stop being mad

I could've used that time and spend happy moments with you.

Sometimes i feel guilty because I forget that you're not here anymore.

But then I get reminded when i pass your empty bedroom every single time i go to mine

And switching off you bedroom lights every night is probably the hardest thing I have to do

because it reminds me you're not there anymore.

And then that one day, i was talking to your friend and he said the week before when you called him you said something

you told him you don't think that you'd be alive much longer

that's what atuk always said when he was in his last days

I guess you knew it was going to happen soon

But I didn't

and i don't know what would have been worst

To know or not to know?

The only good thing in this pile of crap is that you no longer suffer

But now its my turn.

Because im not ready for this

Whose gonna care about me anymore?

Whose gonne be proud of me anymore?

Most of the things I do and avoid doing was so you would be proud of me

Because after mum passed, it was probably the worst thing that could ever happen

So I tried my best to make you as proud as I can so you'll know that there's still something in life that can probably make you happy

I had to put in the effort to pull our family together thru thick and thin

 But I don't think i'v done enough.

I honestly don't know how i can ever move on from this.

I'll always remember you and miss you

and most importantly

I'll always love you

At least you're up there with mum and atuk now

*******

Dramatic emoness ends.