On my own, yes it got me nowhere and I can’t do it on my own

The new year has not been kind so far

Constant messy thoughts

Heavy heart

It doesn't seem to be getting any better

You know when you start thinking too much over something so little?

You're not doing anyone and yourself a favor by doing that

My thought process is probably at its most complicated

And when you're trying to process everything at the same time

You get this messy tangled ball of thoughts that you can't unwind

I would love to blame it all on the constant hormonal changes

It has been a year since my dad left us

And you'd think by now things are easy and good

But that one year seems to have just passed in a flash

And i'm thinking if the first year was hard enough to get by

then how would the coming years be like?

Its hard to watch kids riding bikes with their dads at the park

moms taking evening walks with their daughters

because it sucks knowing I won't have that anymore

just the whole idea of a family

it disappears along with it

I know people say that they're always going to be there for you

But i guess sometimes i need them to be physically here

because it really isn't just the same

(It just doesn't get more pathetic than that does it?)

and everyday i keep telling myself the above.