Practicing my sketching skills with some ink

kinda like how imperfect it is

A house on a hill 

Fields of green

And the blue ocean backdrop

(y)

I need new paint. rawr

On my own, yes it got me nowhere and I can’t do it on my own

The new year has not been kind so far

Constant messy thoughts

Heavy heart

It doesn't seem to be getting any better

You know when you start thinking too much over something so little?

You're not doing anyone and yourself a favor by doing that

My thought process is probably at its most complicated

And when you're trying to process everything at the same time

You get this messy tangled ball of thoughts that you can't unwind

I would love to blame it all on the constant hormonal changes

It has been a year since my dad left us

And you'd think by now things are easy and good

But that one year seems to have just passed in a flash

And i'm thinking if the first year was hard enough to get by

then how would the coming years be like?

Its hard to watch kids riding bikes with their dads at the park

moms taking evening walks with their daughters

because it sucks knowing I won't have that anymore

just the whole idea of a family

it disappears along with it

I know people say that they're always going to be there for you

But i guess sometimes i need them to be physically here

because it really isn't just the same

(It just doesn't get more pathetic than that does it?)

and everyday i keep telling myself the above.

2011

And so just like that, 2010 is over and 2011 begins.

To be honest, it doesn't really feel like a new year.
It's just isn't as exciting as before.

2010 brought a lot of tears.
A stab to the heart with a major loss.
How do you get back from that?
Life just goes on, that's how.

2010 also showed how i've got a bunch of amazing friends
a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on.
it's comforting to know that you've got people you can rely on
people who has your back
and without them, i'd probably be lost.
and for that,

I thank you <3

2011 brings possibilities.
But right now, it's just a blur
and crossroads really.
can't deny how much i fear the unknown.

But, can't help but be optimistic about things.
or at least try to.
because as cliche as this might sound
you don't know what the future will bring us.

Happy New Years!