So i feel completely doomed for my thesis.

Though I do admit, its kinda my fault for slacking away.

Naz told me to get my shiz together.

and the desktop background seems to be doing me some use

 

 and don't you just love my Jonas Brother's stand up cut-out and Jurassic Park bottle?

Its easier to lie

Most of the time,

its so much more easier to say that you're alive than saying you're not here anymore.

Because then, there's this awkward silence that follows,

when the other person scrambles in their mind trying to think of something to say next

while still in shock on what they've just heard.

and most of the time the first thing that comes into their minds

is an "oh."

its not the type of "oh" that you'd use for, for an oh really? moment

its the type that says "that's so sad"

but sometimes the lines are blurred with these two meanings

"I'm sorry to here that" follows.

and then another awkward silence.

In this moment I'd probably be holding myself back from tearing up

because having to utter those words in the first place was hard enough

and even though that silence could only be five seconds or ten

it would be just enough time for me to have a flashback.

A change of topic comes next to shake of the awkwardness

though some would continue on to know more 

So when someone asks what does your father do?

I'd just answer "Oh, he's in the bla bla bla"

because its just so much more easier than having to go through all that

Its easier when its with a semi-stranger of course.

Because honestly, I am an awful liar to begin with.

I see it,
I want it,
But I'll never have it.

A mother's love.
Its a shame.

Sometimes when im having flashback moments of when you were here,
i see how ungrateful and unappreciative i was of you.
I just want to smack myself in the head when i think how stupid and childish i was.

I think im in the process of moving on.
Because life around me is just going to keep going regardless.
The world isn't going to stop just for one person.
So i gotta move along with it, or at least i try to.

Sometimes you gotta take a few step back for that leap forward